a question of "next"

A program description in a retreat brochure at Leigh's house last week has stuck with me. The presenter begins with a quote from the Wendell Berry poem "We Clasp the Hands":
...[we pass] in and out of life ... moving in a dance / to a music so subtle and vast that no ear hears it/except in fragments
and poses the question:
What changes if we begin to listen for the subtle music of the dance? Or if we dare to ask ourselves, not what will I do next, but what wants to happen?

I am having a great time with family and friends, but I am also beginning to look forward into 2009 applying for positions, creating proposals, imagining where I might be next and what I might be doing professionally. The question of "what wants to happen?" and "listening for the subtle music" put me in mind of my retreat, the process of listening for, and occasionally hearing, fragments of music that spoke to me of love, the lover and loving. It has been so easy to slip into "what do I want to do" and hard to remain in "what wants to happen next?"

In the readings for today, the psalmist says "I waited and waited and waited for God" which is what I have been practicing, but also says "You've opened my ears so I can listen." In the silence and beauty of the Ignatius Jesuit Center in Guelph, the music was a lot louder. But it hasn't disappeared. And here is where I learn again that in addition to practicing waiting, I need to practice the Examen so I can start piecing the fragments together and hear what wants to happen next: the next moment, each next moment into the future with faith, hope and love.